quotes = new Array(
"\"Somewhere in Texas there is a village without its idiot.\"",
"-- NOFX, Liner notes for The War on Errorism",
"\"I played a blank tape at full volume. The mime who lived " +
" next door complained, so I shot him with a gun with " +
" a silencer.\"", "-- Stephen Wright",
"\"An escalator can never break. It can only turn into stairs.\"",
"-- Mitch Hedburg",
"\"I don't want to be 'the' man, I just want to be 'a' man.\"",
"-- Dr. Douglas S. J. DeCouto",
"\"You're older than you've ever been
And now you're even older\"",
"-- They Might Be Giants, Older",
"\"I'm always encouraged when I see animals doing something other than " +
"running for their lives.\"",
"-- Thomas McGuane, Gallatin Canyon",
"\"O, bein\' young ain\'t easy \'cos ev\'rythin\' you\'re puzzlin\'n\'" +
"anxin\' you\'re puzzlin\'n\'anxin\' it for the first time.\"",
"-- David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas",
"\"First of all, relax. Famous people are just like you. Yes, we have more " +
"money. Yes, we are invited to parties so fabulous your head would explode " +
"were you ever to get past the velvet ropes. But after the flashbulbs have " +
"stopped popping and we roll out of bed around noon, we have people who put " +
"our pants on us one leg at a time.\"",
"-- Michael Ian Black, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Meeting People More " +
"Famous Than You",
"\"Things always work out if you do whatever you want without worrying " +
"about the consequences.\"",
"-- Peter Griffin, The Family Guy",
"\"So far I have not found the science
But the numbers keep " +
"on circling me\"",
"-- Soul Coughing, So Far I Have Not Found the Science",
"\"Let's forget about the bullshit
Let's just concentrate " +
"on drinking\"",
"-- Wintersleep, Snowstorm",
"\"His goal in life was to be an echo
The type of sound that " +
"floats around
And then back down like a feather
But in the " +
"deep chrome canyons of the loudest Manhattans
No one could hear him\"",
"-- Wilco, Hummingbird",
"\"BTW, the risk of sleeping on the floor is that someone passing " +
"by will think you are dead. I discovered this once... If you are " +
"on a sofa, nobody thinks you are dead. This is another protocol issue.\"",
"-- David Clark, email to csail-discuss",
"\"Everyone in France is a dog. . . They do not eat croissants " +
"often because they cannot bake. They therefore have little " +
"commerce, except in dug-up bones and fleas. Flea-trafficking is " +
"a crime punishable by barking and humping. . . They fear " +
"technology, except in the form of food. They will eat anything " +
"except each other. They should not eat chocolate.\"",
"-- Wythe Marschall, Cold France and Other Permutations",
"\"\'Begin at the beginning,\' the King said gravely, " +
"\'and go on till you come to the end; then stop.\'\"",
"-- Lewis Carroll, The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland",
"\"Every golden age is as much a matter of disregard as of felicity.\"",
"-- Michael Chabon, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay",
"\"Arnold Schwarzenegger is now the governor of California, and we " +
"are not on LSD. Why do people take drugs anymore, when reality has "
+ "become hallucination?\"",
"-- Lewis Black",
"\"Because it's only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies " +
"that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die." +
"
But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, " +
"they can go on and on.\"",
"-- Chuck Palahniuk, Choke",
"\"No matter how many sides you add to your polygon (ten million, " +
"a hundred million), if you are ever going to achieve any true " +
"sense of the whole, at some point you will have to make the leap " +
"from the chord to the arc, a leap of faith as it were . . .\"",
"-- Lawrence Weschler, We Join Spokes Together in a Wheel",
"\"Now simple feet that flicker like fire
And burn like " +
"candles in smoky spires
Do more to turn my joy to " +
"sadness
Than somber thoughts of burning planets\"",
"-- Cake, Nugget",
"\"Only a fool believes he's dreaming before he wakes up.\"",
"-- Stephen King, The Waste Lands: Dark Tower III",
"\"\'You know, you\'re a little complicated after all.\'
" +
"\'Oh no,\' she assured him hastily. \'No, I'm not really -- " +
"I'm just a -- I'm just a whole lot of different simple people.\'\"",
"-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night",
"\"When they say, as they often do, \'My home is your home,\' " +
"they mean it. Your inability to return such hospitality may " +
"become embarrassing.\"",
"-- U.S. Department of Defense, A Pocket Guide to the Middle East (1957)",
"\"It is as if I were attempting to trace with the point of a pencil "+
"the shadow of the tracing pencil.\"",
"-- Nathanael West, The Dream Life of Balso Snell",
"\"Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?
" +
"And instead of saying all of your good-byes
Let them know " +
"you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good " +
"things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just " +
"an illusion caused by the world spinning round\"",
"-- Flaming Lips, Do You Realize?",
"Patient: \"How do you do?\"
Kramer: \"I do great.\"",
"-- Seinfeld",
"\"Should we throw another human wave of structural engineers " +
"at stabilizing the Leaning Tower of Pisa, or should we just let " +
"the damn thing fall over and build a tower that doesn't suck?\"",
"-- Neal Stephenson, In the Beginning was the Command Line",
"\"For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
" +
"it's always ourselves we find in the sea\"",
"-- e.e. cummings, maggie and milly and molly and may",
"\"If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, " +
"I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.\"",
"-- Jack Handey, The Lost Deep Thoughts",
"\"They call me Mr. Knowitall
I am so eloquent.
Perfection is my middle" +
" name
And whatever rhymes with eloquent.\"",
"-- Primus, Mr. Knowitall",
"\"There would have to be collisions. The only alternative would " +
"be unthinkable order.\"",
"-- Thomas Pynchon, The Crying of Lot 49",
"\"It's obvious that the happy man feels contented only because the " +
"unhappy ones bear their burden without saying a word: if it weren't " +
"for their silence, happiness would be quite impossible.\"",
"-- Anton Chekov, Gooseberries",
"\"I remember this defense
Progress fails Pacific sense
" +
"All those sweet conspiracies
I remember all these things\"",
"-- R.E.M., I Remember California",
"\"Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius . . . with a " +
"chance of doom!\"",
"-- Stewie Griffin, The Family Guy",
"\"I don't want to be identical to anyone or anything
" +
"I don't even want to be identical to myself
I want to look " +
"in the mirror and wonder,
'Who is that person? I've never seen " +
"that person before.
I've never seen anyone like that before.'\"",
"-- King Missile, It's Saturday",
"\"I'm reaching for the random or whatever will bewilder me.
" +
"And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been." +
"
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where " +
"no one's been.\"",
"-- Tool, Lateralus",
"\"Teenage angst has paid off well
Now I'm bored and old\"",
"-- Nirvana, Serve the Servants",
"\"How did a difference become a disease?\"",
"-- Fugazi, The Argument",
"\"The spirit of middle-class white people is strong in you, Stan.\"",
"-- Stan's Dad, South Park",
"Waitress: \"I hate it when the waffles stick together.\"
" +
"Chef: \"Stickin' together is what good waffles do.\"",
"-- The Simpsons",
"Bart: \"Look at me, I'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old and I made 600 " +
"dollars last year.\"
" +
"Marge: \"Bart, don't make fun of grad students. They just made a " +
"terrible life choice.\"",
"-- The Simpsons",
"\". . . it sounds like music made by robots that don't know " +
"prog rock sucks, which means it flat-out rules.\"",
"-- Andrew Beaujon of Spin Magazine, reviewing The Mars Volta",
"\"Then tomorrow we may all be dead. But how would that be " +
"different from any other day?\"",
"-- Morpheus, The Matrix: Reloaded",
"\"We must be the first ones in the world to fall off of the earth\"",
"-- Deftones, Bloody Cape",
"\"Oh boy, I'm just so tired of all these star wars.\"",
"-- Man reciting the titular line from Star Wars, " +
"Upright Citizens Brigade",
"\"Maybe you'll be president
But know right from wrong
" +
"Or in the flood you'll build an Ark
And sail us to the moon\"",
"-- Radiohead, Sail to the Moon",
"\"Are you gonna send me off to Grandma's house so that she can " +
"teach me pinochle and make me bland?\"",
"-- Doug, The State",
"\"I dwell in Possibility--
A fairer House than Prose--
" +
"More numerous of Windows--
Superior--for Doors--\"",
"-- Emily Dickinson, I dwell in Possibility (J 657)",
"\"There were one quadrillion nations in the Universe, but the " +
"nation Dwayne Hoover and Kilgore Trout belonged to was the only " +
"one with a national anthem which was gibberish sprinkled with " +
"question marks.\"",
"-- Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions",
"\"It's nothing that I haven't seen before
" +
"But it still kills me like it did before\"",
"-- Beck, End of the Day",
"\"\'My compassion has always been with the living,\' I continued; " +
"\'the dead no longer need it.\'\"",
"-- Emma Goldman, Living My Life",
"\"I'll buy your knick-knack
Just check my feedback
" +
"\'A++!\' they all say
They love me on eBay\"",
"-- Weird Al, eBay",
"\"You might think that the favorite plant of the porcupine is " +
"the cactus, but it's thinking like that that has almost " +
"ruined this country.\"",
"-- Jack Handey, The Lost Deep Thoughts",
"\"I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he " +
"invented the light bulb.\"",
"-- Homer, The Simpsons",
"\"You can't see California without Marlon Brando's eyes\"",
"-- Slipknot, Eyeless",
"Bunny: \"Uli doesn't care about anything. He's a Nihilist.\"
" +
"The Dude: \"Ah. Must be exhausting.\"",
"-- The Big Lebowski",
"\"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, " +
"probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once -- shame on -- " +
"shame on you -- If you fool me, can't get fooled again.\"",
"-- George W. Bush",
"\"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff " +
"at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it " +
"yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things " +
"going on the internet commercially . . . They want to deliver " +
"vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the " +
"internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a " +
"truck. It's a series of tubes.\"",
"-- Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK)",
"\"The secret? I don't know. I guess you've just gotta find " +
"something you love doing and then do it for the rest of your life. " +
"For me, it's going to Rushmore.\"",
"-- Max Fischer, Rushmore",
"\"If I hadn't made me
I would've been made somehow
" +
"If I hadn't assembled myself
I'd have fallen apart by now\"",
"-- Incubus, Make Yourself",
"\"You should never be embarrassed by
Your trouble with living
"+
"Because it's the ones with the sorest throats, Laura
Who have "+
"done the most singing\"",
"-- Bright Eyes, Laura Laurent",
"\"Our home is made of styrofoam.
We live right through it all. " +
"
But my room is made of plexiglass,
And I'm a fly on the wall.\"",
"-- Facing New York, Styrofoam Walls",
"\"No Bad Religion song can make your life complete\"",
"-- Bad Religion, No Direction",
"\"What does it cost for this life of excess?
Would you " +
"ever miss your desk's caress?\"",
"-- Minus the Bear, The Game Needed Me",
"\"It\'s just not cool to be a Nazi anymore, baby.\"",
"-- Dan Dunne, Half Nelson",
"\"Yes I know my enemies
They're the teachers who taught me " +
"to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
"+
"Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
" +
"All of which are American dreams\"",
"-- Rage Against the Machine, Know Your Enemy",
"\"There's been a tremedous discussion in this country about " +
"gay marriage, and I have to tell you, I'm a little nervous about " +
"it . . . Are they going to make us marry gay? . . . I think that " +
"it's going to be mandatory, because otherwise why would anyone " +
"really care?\"",
"-- Jon Stewart, The Daily Show",
"\"I've studied now Philosophy
And Jurisprudence, Medicine,
" +
"And even, alas! Theology
All through and through with " +
"ardour keen!
Here now I stand, poor fool, and see
" +
"I'm just as wise as formerly.
Am called a Master, even " +
"Doctor too,
And now I've nearly ten years through
" +
"Pulled my students by their noses to and fro
And up and " +
"down, across, about,
And see there's nothing we can know!
" +
"That all but burns my heart right out.\"",
"-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust",
"\"Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
" +
"In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions " +
"which a minute will reverse.\"",
"-- T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
);
index = 2*Math.floor(Math.random()*(quotes.length/2));
document.getElementById("quote").innerHTML = quotes[index];
document.getElementById("quotee").innerHTML = quotes[index+1];